i miss

my eyes are drooping. or droopy. either one. i never knew which expression was right. in any case, in the moments before i shall lay down to rest after a rather long, tiring but funfilled day, i shall contemplate the meaning of life...
just kidding.
basically, what's been on my mind lately:
do i want to be a normal teenager? ( oh and PLUS, define normal. yeah its impossible) or do i want something more? it's been an inside on and off debate/discussion/argument that has been bothering me ever since that night. basically what are my goals this coming year. do i want to compromise work and my future for fun nights that would soon turn into nightmares the morning after, or do i want to be a (close enough) hermit, concentrate? ( id like to add that there is no guarantee after this hermit-age either). conflicting, i know.

anyways, its late. i have a lot of things to think about. but knowing me, ill think about them for about the 2 seconds before my head hits the pillow and i'll crash.

xo,
h
p.s. extremely irate at mudda who ishnt letting me go a-hunting.
p.p.s. rewind to lazy river. 22 17-year-olds holding hands is kinda fruity.
p.p.s. cradle robbing anyone?

wierd.

"And as each and all of them were warmed without by the sun, so each had a private little sun for her soul to bask in; some dream, some affection, some hobby, at least some remote and distant hope which, though perhaps starving to nothing, still lived on, as hopes will. Thus they were all cheerful, and many of them merry."
from Tess of the d'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy

xo
h

currently listening to:
if i had a million dollars- barenaked ladies
get low- lil jon & the eastside boyz
glycerine- bush
you and me- lifehouse
bohemian rhapsody - queen

do you think chest hair is sexy?

except, no one except for me will actually understand that title, so i'll just leave it at that.
i'm at loss for words about everything in my life right now. everything seems so jumbled and i can't seem to process it fast enough. i kind of life the fast pace? but i'm not ready for it.
so i have a lot on my mind, a lot to do, and a lot to think about.

mystomachhurts.myroomisgross.imissmyshads.imissmyamericans.imisseverythingthaticanthave.
i am such a complainer, i know, and i dont even bother learning how NOT to be so like this. oh well. yes. oH WELL.

okay okay, about shad. why i loved it. because it was productive and fun, and because i met the coolest people ever. yes! maine people can compare! there was something about them that just clicked. they understood me, and they loved me for who i was. no pretending, no faking. just me. raw.

today was an awesome day. andrea was so freaking hyper she freaked a) the little kids b) a certain someone who is rather rather handsome c) me out.

as for hem hem, i guess i'm feeling okay about it now? im not sure how or what to feel. other than what i haev been feeling for the past week. so ill just leave it at that. and let it pick up when time comes again. wise words, non?

xo
h

currently listening to:
iris- goo goo dolls
for good- from wicked
the world i know- collective soul
every breath you take - sting and the police
god must have spent a little more time on you- N'Sync (although i remain a true bsb fan)

i just miss nchink (yes you make me cry with the memory of that song), gof (never apart), my shads.