"it just seems like no matter how many more times we discuss it, it doesnt seem to get better or easier. it just sinks deeper and deeper into our hearts until we can go no more. it settles there, for a little while, until it becomes part of us, part of who we are as a human being every day. "

"i guess what i do is just remind myself that it couldn't last foreever, & i'd rather have had the experience than not have it at all so even though it's over i'm still grateful to have all those people out there even if i can't see them everyday"

"yeah. i tell myself that too. every day. "


tonight has been hard. i've realized i need them. and even if they have lives to live, and i have my life to live, to stop and say i love you makes it all the better to live. i haven't lost them. but sometimes, it sure feels like it. then the i love you too reminds me that there is something, somewhere, and that it's not all lost. the feelings are washed away. and i rise again.

xo
-h

hide and seek

where are we?
what the hell is going on?

the dust has only just begun to fall
crop circles in your coffin
sinking, feeling
Spin around me again
and rub my eyes
This can't be happening
when busy streets
amess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before
the take over
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
chains and sewing machines
(oh, won't catch me around here)
blood and tears
they were here first

what you say, that you only meant well
well of course you did
what you say, that it's all for the best
cause it is
what you say, that it's just what we need
you decided this
what you say, what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth (hide and seek)
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs (hide and seek)
speak no feeling, no I don't believe you (hide and seek)
you can bet you don't care a bit (hide and seek)

you don't care a bit

enjoy. because i did.
xo-h


currently listening to:
fix you- coldplay
hide and seek- imogen heap *
everybody's changing- keane
promising light- iron and wine
baby britain-elliot smith

so i hear

this is ridiculous. i cant do this. im actually crazy. i guess its the summer (semi) heat thats making me loca.
v-unit is correcto - we need to focus. h-dawg says : i dont wanna. oh do i ever...nawanna....
some new ideas:
chemistry is flippa boooring, especially when you do 4 hours of it at a time, problem after problem.
biology im just scared of, so my chart paper is going to stay empty for quite some time.
french is just pointless- we already did the ap. why another one? especially about stupid wannabes and asian misfits
latin is going to be the death of me sooner or later. enough presentimperfectperfectsimpletruepluperfectfuturepassivesubjunctive1st2nd3rd4th5thdeclensioningparticipleconditionalsabsolutesetcetcconstructions
history is jokes. the one thing ive learned: dinner parties can kiss my ass
english is also jokes. tragedy tragedy spinky is my tragic hero. going d o w n

where did my long weekend go?
"hot damn" "no not really. only 25 degrees"
"stop baby what's that sound, everybody look what's going down..."

adios babes
its been fun writing this incoherent piece of junk
h

currently listening to:
the man you love- il divo
pantala naga pampa- dmb
poets- tragically hip (gracias a laura)
babylon- david gray
star wars theme song - DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN DUN

i hear the clock, its 6 am

actually, its 12 30 am right now. instead of working on my latin commentary and english oral presentation, both of which i had been freaking out about the whole day, im here to regale you with my stories of...life. thats right. oh the irony.

my stories of life
being a hermit is actually kind of fun. i cleaned up my desk in my room and i rarely come out now. i like sitting at my desk, staring off into space. i like lying on my bed with my hands on my face, sighing at just the thought of what has to be done.
i dont believe there's such a thing as 'trying too hard'. i really dont. so what i dont get is how a teacher tells me to not try too hard, and end up f-a-i-l-i-n-g her class. i shouldnt listen to teachers from now on. only one, only one. i think we all know who that is.

only nine days left. running on 3 h of sleep. ginger tea. thoughts of summer.
take care everyone, and be well. we're almost there.

and by almost there, i mean we have another year, and then another four, and then another who knows how many... my point is, this madness won't stop. but what we can do is laugh it off. laugh it alllll offf.

xo
h


currently listening to:
jimi thing- dave matthews band
strange and beautiful- aqualung
the sound of settling- death cab for cutie
mama- il divo
jack and diane- john mellencamp