melancholy

for the first time in a while, i finally felt everything come crashing down. work had piled like mad, which, by the way, i totally disregarded. piano, i haven't even touched in days ( i have a feeling im gonna be schooled like mad in the upcoming weeks...). and on top of that. i just feel sick and tired. i hate to always be taht blahdy blah blah person who "just can't get over chewonki" but i really really can't.
last night, i read the bin book (yes, in tears), and looking over, damn it was insightful. on top of that, we said so many things that are/will be so valuable to us. but just knowing that there's the love. i guess its enough for me. but not for the long run.
i dont want to forget anything.

its been exactly a month since i have been away from my loves. it's been hard, but i suppose that it will be one of the biggest lessons of my life. there have been so many things going on, that it hardly seemed like a month. on the other end of the spectrum, it has felt like an eternity since i last saw everyone's smiles.

today was a bad day, but it just keeps getting better and better. brooks' cd finally came in the mail. the only reason why i damn my living situation. but in any case, it was still bad. no one wants to see me like this, yet i still... can't bring myself to stop. talking abotu it over and over won't make everything better, and i just guess i need some other things to take my mind off it.

one question, something pondered upon everyday, yet not addressed. where's God in all this? have i even stoped to think about it? i guess it ake a lot of things for granted, and one thing, one really BIG thing, is God. ive come to realize that im just too scared and unwilling to give it all to Him. because that's not being in control of what i'm doing, and heck, that scares me to death. some day i'll learn it. let's hope its today.

much love,
h

missing...

a lot of things, actually.
it seems to be a recurring theme in my life: settling down, getting to know people, only to leave them. someone once said that it was big, that i could do something like that whereas it would be way hard. and it is hard, so i better start getting usd to it, eh?

i've also realized that a lot of what comes out of my brain and onto paper or on the computer is all.. negative. so lets be positive, why dont we.

what a fabulous time we had last night. i do love all my friends. they are all the best. being the camera whores we are, eh.. we had fun with that.

sorry for sucha boring blog, but i gotta jet

my very first blog. aw. how cute.

okay. so this is sort of like xanga right but ... not. it's blogspot. heh. im so interesting. by the time people know about this blogging of mine, there will be boring-ness. but hey, if you are really that bored, read on.
my life as it is:
new years resolutions
1. i said i was going to start doing homework as soon as i got home, and even made myself a little pocket schedule (yes i am that dorkish at times)to remind me of the tight schedule my life is.
2. i said i was going to start practicing piano when i got home too
3. no msn slash aim slash anything that has to do with computers and their evilness until im done all the homework there is to be completed
4. stop procrascinating
5. eat less and stop being so... ugh... how do say...GLUTTON-ISH

have they been resolved?
i think not.

i am a person of no motivation. unless there's food involved. oh how i love.

i am also a person of weirdness as you can already tell.
onto new and exciting things! ho, onward!
what's new in my life
absolutely nothing at all, except that i really cannot stand school at the moment. who can. but im serious. ive got it bad. i miss chewonki something awful and i wish i could be in the bin, laughing like its my JOB at the dumbest things. my loves... are far far away from me, and all i can feel is this.. emptiness.
dont get me wrong, now, because i love my friends here. they are the most darling friends i could ever ask for. but they're not...chewonki-style in all their ali g and tree identifying glory. and to think, ive become liek that.

so i guess that's it for me. at least for the moment. i dont know exactly how ill find the time to update this thing. ill do my best.

so for now, take care.
much love from me,
h